


His Words That Weren't His

by immaculategayvibes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, But Please Let Him Rest, Dreams and Nightmares, Eruri Only Exists To Hurt Me, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Sex, Isayama I Haven't Caught Up On The Manga Since 2018, M/M, Obligatory reincarnation fic, This Might As Well Be Done, You Know Those Days That You're Like, i beg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28638360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immaculategayvibes/pseuds/immaculategayvibes
Summary: "I'm replaceable," Erwin says, or it's something along those lines."No one can replace you," he answers, and they're not his words yet they are, and they too fade to nothing but a general feeling.Sometimes dreaming is fun.Sometimes dreaming is watching the love of your life die.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	His Words That Weren't His

**Author's Note:**

> i DEADASS cant remember the details around erwin's death. im watching the anime and im on ep 13 or smn. i used to be caught up on the manga. what happened. isayama give levi a fucking break challenge

_ The Titans roar in the nearby distance. Erwin's hand is clasped around his arm. "I'm replaceable," Erwin says, or it's something along those lines. _

_ Levi can't seem to remember the exact words mere milliseconds after they were spoken.  _

_ He knows he's panicking, closer to tears than he has been… How long has it been? How old is he?  _

_ "No one can replace you," he answers, and they're not his words yet they are, and they too fade to nothing but a general feeling.  _

_ His hands are shaking. Why are his hands shaking? Is he afraid? Cold? _

_ He can't tell. _

_ Erwin laughs softly, and the sound of the Titans is just a distant memory compared to him. Erwin is the sun, Levi muses, with his golden hair and how he radiates warmth with his words and his presence. _

_ Humanity can't exist without the sun. They need it.  _

_ He needs it. He needs him.  _

_ Erwin was his first taste of sunlight and he never wants to live without him. Even if he couldn't realize it at first.  _

_ But didn't Erwin tell him not to let his feelings compromise the mission? Tell him never to stop and mourn, or else he would never move again?  _

_ A hand presses against his cheek. Erwin is smiling at him, gently, achingly.  _

_ Levi wants to cradle him in his arms. Wants to run his fingers through that stupidly golden hair and press lingering kisses across the smile that he knows is just for show, just to appease him, but the Titans are getting closer and they only have so much time before it's over and he feels like he needs to do something but he can't think of what it is- _

_ "Levi," Erwin says. No title. No last names. Just his name. His name that he'll never again hear breathed so sweetly from the same mouth dragging over his skin, choked out between quiet pants in the middle of the night. "You'll be okay."  _

_ Will he? Is Erwin not the sole reason he is here, his only reason for fighting?  _

_ "I'll find you," he replies, promises, swears, curling his shaking hands into fists. "Wherever you go."  _

_ "I'll hold you to that." _

* * *

He doesn’t wake up the way one would wake from a nightmare, sitting up, sweating, such things. 

He's shaking, though. His entire body is shivering uncontrollably, as though his mind has woken, but his body hasn't. He's wide awake, too. A terrible moment to be wide awake, as the alarm on his bedside table reads 2:48, but it could be worse.

It has been worse. 

He's had a lot of dreams about the Titans, the Walls, the Commander and the Captain, blades and flying and capes and  _ wings.  _ Always the wings.

This one's different, he thinks as he silently leaves the bed and makes his way through the dark to the door, which he opens just as soundlessly. 

When he reaches the kitchen, he turns on a small light and reaches for the cupboard. The trembling has subsided somewhat, but he still makes a frustrated noise when his fingers refuse to grab a glass for a couple tries. He doesn't fill the glass anymore than halfway, fearing he may spill. Even if it's just water, he'd rather not spill. 

Yes, this dream was different. It wasn't one of the good ones, the ones about Farlan and Isabel, the ones about sparring that somehow always ended in makeout sessions, the ones about returning from outside the wall only to find Erwin waiting for him, the ones where Hange goes on one of their tangents about the Titans with excitement radiating off them, the ones about meager feasts that are common meals in this world and yet felt like parties in that one.

But he doesn't consider it a nightmare either, even though it probably counts as one. The ones about the Titans, about seeing the dead bodies of his friends. This one didn't jolt him awake like those, didn't leave him in cold sweat, didn't make him restless. 

This one just made him feel empty. Lost.

Normally dreams about the dead never linger on the dying. It's all dead bodies, severed limbs. It's shock value only, really, and yet after this… it's a mercy.

His dreams always feel absurdly real, but there's a difference between flying through the air and the aching laugh of a dying man.

A dying Erwin. 

God, he could still  _ feel  _ that hand upon his cheek. 

He downs the water and goes back to their bedroom maybe a little too fast. He can barely see in the dark, so he can't exactly see Erwin, but he can make out the vague shape of his body under the comforters, the slow rising and falling of his chest. His right arm lifting to grab at Levi when he sinks back onto the bed. It curls around his waist, tugging him closer to the source of warmth and comfort. 

"Bad dream?" Erwin asks, his other arm completing the embrace.

It feels like he hasn't felt both Erwin's arms around him in years.

"You died." 

"Oh. Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not right now." He sighs, letting his eyes fall shut.  "Just don't-... Don't let go." 

The arms around his waist tighten their grip. 

"Never."

**Author's Note:**

> i dont know why i suddenly feel this invested in the tragedy of a ship but it hurts. take me back to my mha canon divergence fics. 
> 
> i do love how in 2 years my love for levi literally hasnt changed. he was my favorite back then and hes my favorite now.


End file.
